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Sunday, 17 February 2013

LYCRA LOUTS!

A couple of weeks ago I posted about four male fashions that I find irritating and far from fashionable. I won't repeat them because I want you to go back in my blog and search for the post! .... Oh, all right. They were:-
1. Men in suits, not wearing ties.
2. Men who shave their heads
3. Men who wear their shirt tails outside their trousers.
4. Actually I can't remember the fourth, but it was exceptioanlly irritating, take my word for it!

Now I've got a 5th fashion NO NO! Gone are the days when people used to ride bikes out of necessity because they didn't get given company cars. Also gone are the days when men wore cycle clips, a thick pullover and definitely no cycle safety helmet, because only wimps wore them. Now everybody looks like a competitor in the Tour de France, but with the occasional beer belly.

Bikes that cost several hundred pounds and Lycra cycling suits that cost nearly as much that advertise products and cycling teams that no one has ever heard of, are two a penny on the roads today. Worse, thay all have these flashing, strobe affect lights at the front and back that do nothing to light their way, and even less to warn car drivers they're approaching at a rate of knots. Are they legal, these lights? I thought they had to have lights that did the job they were intended for, not things better suited to a Christmas tree!


If you're a Bradley Wiggins, you have the slimline body intended for Lycra and probably look quite good in it. More to the point Bradley actually IS getting paid to advertise all those products and companies on his Lycra clothing. Even more important he doesn't swan around his local area dressed up for the Tour and racing down the high street, cutting up cars and belting through red lights. Actually I suppose he does, because he was knocked off his bike by a lady in a posh car. I wonder if he was Lycred up to the eye teeth that day, or juwst wearing his slacks and cycle clips?

My biggest gripe (and here it is at last!) is the hoardes of Lycra Louts that swarm up to the local Forestry Commission area where I take my dog for walkies on a Sunday morning. I 'll be happily wandering along a narrow muddy path, probably listening to Pink Floyd on my iPod when with a whoosh and a clanging of bells and expletives a Lycra Lout pushes past me, forcing me into the undergrowth. Fist waving has no effect and my dog (being stone deaf) ambles along oblivious to everything. That's annoying enough that on a country forest path you have to dodge speeding traffic, but what really riles me is the cheery wave and a "hullo!" from the Lycra Louts coming towards you. It's still neceaasry to jump to one side, or become an ornament of their handlebars!

Last of all, they chrun up the muddy paths so they become a quagmire. Presumably Lycra washes out easily and they have wives and girlfriends willing to get rid of muddy stains.

Anyway, whatever happened to Spandex????

Blog on, Dudes!

2 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree more, Richard and being in France the hoards of eejits we get all think they really ARE in the Tour de France. Riding on pavements is my bugbear and why, if wearing appropriate footwear, I stick my foot out and ask the moron whingeing on the floor if he would like me to call a policeman.
    One prizewinner tried to run my dog over (same situation as you), cartwheeled over his handlebars and threatened to sue us. No, I'm too much of a lady to tell you what advice he was offered (it was a physical impossibility anyway).

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    1. Lycra Louts are a world-wide hazard it seems!

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