Friday, 25 October 2013
Sportsmen (and Women!)
Ever since the Greeks held the first Olympics, following the ethos of the Gymnasium (i.e. exercising in the nude), and ran the only race in the whole event... the 100 yards, or there abouts. athleticism and sporting prowess has held a fascination for most people. Even those TV addicts who take up up an entire sofa on their own!
I can't deny I'm no exception, except I can still fit into an armchair. However there are some sports that annoy me intensely, which leads me into this blog rant.
So. What is it with footballers? Three things get to me:
1. They spit.... just as the TV cameras focus on them.
2. They tatoo one arm so it just looks bruised
3. They shave their heads so that 25 year old lads look like old men.
Luckily no footballer has ever been know to have the following:
1. A desire to turn the air blue with swearing.
2. Carnal thoughts about someone else's wife
3. Greed beyond the dreams of Croesus
4. A total sneering disregard for the poor fans that pay a week's wages to go and see them dribble all over a ball.
5. The ability to shoot over the bar from 3 feet.
6. Dive and claim a penalty when hit by a feather.
NO, they'd never do that!
Then there's rugby. The Hooligans' game played by Gentlemen.
1. They play with a ball shaped like an egg, that always bounces the wrong way.
2. They pretend to bleed by smearing pigs bllod on themselves.
3. They jump off ferries and swim to the harbour shore for the Hell of it.
4. They snog their wife's best friend in front of a newspaper photographer. DOH!
1. They never argue with the ref, who's at least a foot shorter than them.
2. Their supporters actually like each other.... well mostly.
3. They are often lawyers and accountants in real life, so great at balancing the books or defending themselves against accusations of drunken revelry, while harbour swimming with their wife's best friend.
And cricketers! Well....
1. They're often stumped.
2. Been known to bowl a maiden over
3. Wait for a tickle at 3rd leg
4. They can be run in, only to be run out minutes later.
5. They have creases, in spite of ironing.
6, They rub their balls and no one bats an eyelid
1. They wear Lycra clothes two sizes too small
2. Pavement nuisences, such as pedestrians, are swept into the gutter with a rampant swear word.
3. Bikes don't have bells any more, but do have stupid strobe lights.
4. Red traffic lights don't apply to them.
Dominoes.... Players knock spots off each other
Darts..... Players are never fat and are always athletic
Snooker.... Never queue.
Hockey.... Players like to bully
Weightlifting.... Boing! Twang! (Double hernia)
Quidditch.... Say no more!
Blog on, Dudes!