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Friday, 31 January 2014

Phrases I hate.

There are some phrases and words used unnecessarily that I really can't stand. Here's just a selection. Does anyone else have any favourites?

- Does my bleedin' head in
           - I'm thick and I make Homer Simpson look intelligent.

- Can't get my head round it
           - I'm still thick er than Homer

- Innit
           - The verbal equivalent to a stabbing at the end of a sentence.

- Like
           - "Like" at the beginning of a sentence is the verbal equivalent of putting the car into gear when
              you're driving an automatic.
           - "Like" at the end of a sentence is almost an "Innit", but more like a slap with a wet fish than a
             stabbing.

- Y'know
           - Putting the car into gear again, forgetting that we're actually riding a bike.

- The Australian Rising Inflection. A question mark at the end of every sentence?
           - One of the most annoying imports from Australia. Neighbours has so much to answer for!

- It never rains but it pours
           - Yes it does. It's called drizzle.

- There's no smoke without fire.
           - Yes there is. It's called smoke. There may be fire without smoke too.

- Ok, Mate!
           - I hate being called Mate, especially by people I don't know. It's a special trait among barmen,              who have to go on Mate training courses so they can appear all Chummy and Matey to people              they're going to short measure and short change.

- They!
          - Who are THEY? They run the country, our local councils, make all the decisions that rule our                lives and yet no one knows who THEY are, and they get away with it completely. Mind you               THEY organise our rubbish collections and sort out all the nasties for us on a day to day basis               so we don't have to get involved. But I can't help wondering who THEY are!

- Have you had you 5 A Day?
          - One of the most annoying and meaningless government "nanny statements" ever. Worse, it's               gone world-wde. We have our 5 a Day, Japan has 10 a Day and Scotland has its 1 a Day.... a               chip!
            In fact the 5 A Day slogan was invented by aNew York fruit 'n veg merchant whose business
            doing badly, sdo to encourage people he put his "Have You Had Your 5 A Day" notice in his                 shop window. A passing NY civil servant saw it and had the idea of inflicting yet another piece             of child-like nannyism on our lives.

- Our wonderful NHS is the finest in the world.
           - The idea an concept of the NHS is. Free treatment at the point it's needed, regardless of race,             colour, creed and wealth is fundamentally perfect. The dedicated professionals who train for               years so they can work long hours to keep is alive are incredible. So what makes me angry                   about it? The highly centralised burocracy and overloaded management structure is crippling                 the system with meaningless targets and scales. Big is not beautiful.
            I had an ankle injury in June and saw my GP the next day. He made an appointment for me to              see the consultant in July, which I thought was pretty good, until I saw it was for the following             year. I went private and saw the consultant 2 days later. Some years later I had a knee injury               and again saw my GP who sent me to the hospital, where over a period of nearly 2 years I had             X-rays, MRI scans, consultancies with various specialists. I was even told to take up dance                 classes as a form of therapy. Again, I went private and the following week had an arthroscopy             to clear out smashed bits of cartilege and sow up a nicked cruciate ligament.
            My wife suffered months of gall bladder stone agony, when the NHS refused to operate, or do             anything except monitor her pain. After more than 6 months of A&E visits she agreed to go                 private and the consultant whipped her gall bladder out the next day. It was so disceased it was             on the point of bursting. She also lost 1/3 of her stomach because the NHS took 2 years                       running tests and trying to persuade her it was all in her head. Had they operated initially she                 would have lost a tiny bit of gut tubing in a cut and shunt operation.
            One of the NHS lists is about which hospital kills the post patients, either on the operating                     table, in waiting to be treated, or in post-op care through infections such as MRSA.

- "If ther's one film you see this year....!"
           - Usually means if there's one film you should avoid it's this one. Or it means the studio hired                some horrendously expensive actors and is desperate to make SOME of their money back.

- "From the people who brought you...!"
           - Another film to avoid.

- "And the award for the Best ***** goes to....."
           If it's an oscar it's to a film that hasn't been released in the UK yet and the srudio needs UK                  revenues and is prepared to spend big marketing bucks.

- "Welcome to....Dancing on Thin Ice!"
          - If only!

- "I'm a Celebrity... but no one's heard of me!"
          - What it should really be called.

- "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
          - Stupid bloody question!


4 comments:

  1. ''Lessons will be learned'' usually said by some politician. They never are.

    ReplyDelete
  2. True, Carol. Goes with "We've listened and will take action!"
    You could write a book on politician dumb phrases.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha, well said, Richard! I particularly hate the rising inflection too - I hear it far too often. As for the 'celebrity' culture... Don't get me started.

    ReplyDelete